“Truth. The real truth only comes years later, when finally one day your body feels safe enough to feel it.” Tom Spanbauer
I am every girl I have ever been. They live inside me like a choir. The believer. The invalid. The seductress. The victim. The fighter. The heretic. The forager. The survivor. Uncivilized. Hungry. Angry. Wild.
As I sit with my mother while she is in hospice care, I think of all the girls I have been, and wonder if my mother knew any of them.
I keep thinking about Sippi, about how the summer we were nine, my…
Grammie asks me to promise I’ll never grow old, stroking my blonde hair reassuringly, as if I’m a reluctant dog. She tells me I remind her of her youth, but she doesn’t specify why. I know very little about Grandma Ivy’s early life, and even less about who she was when she was my age. When I was growing up, she would come from the East Coast to visit once every other year, and with her brightly dyed red hair, long glossy fingernails and tall black boots, I thought she was hipper than any grandma I’d ever met. Unlike other…
“It is not as if what is true, right, urgent, and necessary is a light, and what is harm is darkness. They are both darknesses; they are both lights.” ~ Anne Boyer
There are only a few phrases my father has ever spoken aloud to me.
“I love you” is not one of them. “Never depend on a man” is.
And I don’t, in fact, rely on men for emotional sustenance, for income, or for praise. Sometimes, men provide these things for women, but sometimes they don’t, and I resist disappointment like a used handkerchief.
Back when we were all…
“A healer is someone that triggers healing powers within you”
― Thabiso Monkoe
Several years ago, I began practicing yoga at a local gym. I was a busy woman, juggling a full-time ascending career and a burgeoning bundle of children’s activities. I was also battling chronic back pain, so I conceded to what, at the time, was a gargantuan gesture of self-care. I signed up for a yoga class.
I rushed into the gym once a week to get my stretch on, and then I would rush out to proceed with the obligations of my overbooked schedule. When it came…
“It’s not what you look at that matters. It’s what you see.” — Thoreau
Buddhist teachings invite us to accept suffering as foundational to human existence.
But sometimes it’s easier to acknowledge other people’s pain than our own. And especially during this season of holiday giving, it can feel more relevant to show up for other people than for ourselves.
The irony is, of course, that when we don’t show up for ourselves, we can’t truly be present with another.
Most of us bustle around shopping and cooking and meeting the perceived needs of others. This may be generous, but…
“Pathmaker, there is no path. You make the path by walking. By walking, you make the path. ”
— ANTONIO MACHADO
At the end of 2017, I made a promise to myself that I would join a conversation I’ve been listening to for 30 years, a conversation between writers who have the temerity to put their words on pages and their pages into our hands. I admire professional writers more than almost anyone on the planet, because they have the courage to be publicly wrong, and to put their insides on the outside for us all to judge. …
The reward for conformity is that everyone likes you except yourself.
— RITA MAE BROWN
I have been watching The Handmaid’s Tale.
Even if (especially if) you’ve read the 1985 book by Margaret Atwood, I encourage you to give the series a try. Because this creation is more than speculative fiction. The characters are made up, but Atwood has confirmed repeatedly that every event depicted in The Handmaid’s Tale has happened somewhere at some time in recorded history.
Offred’s narrative is presented in the context of a present-day post-revolution segment of The United States, but the methods of organized oppression…
Perhaps, after all, we shouldn’t take our lives so personally, shouldn’t think of them as the monologue of busy and insistent and separate selves. Perhaps we are made up of landscapes and events and memories and genetics; of the touch of those we hold dear, our oldest fears, the art that moves us, and those sorrows on the other side of the world that make us weep at the breakfast table.
— JOAN SUTHERLAND
Recently, in Colorado, at 4:30 in the morning, I needed a ride to the Denver airport. The Uber driver who arrived was a young bearded man…
What I Learned Pole Dancing
For the past few months, I’ve been training with a woman we call J. She’s an accomplished athlete, dancer, performer and business owner, and every time I see her, she pushes me out of my comfort zone.
Last fall, I agreed to dance burlesque and pole with her troupe. Two weeks before the show, right before I knew she was delivering the program to print, I came to my senses and realized I wasn’t ready. I spent hours drafting the perfect text message, apologizing to her for inconveniencing her, assuring her that she could take…